Thank you for giving me my first ticket. Ever. As if this already bright and sunny day needed your little piece of sunshine to make it better. I hope I helped you meet your March quota.
If only I could cite you with an attitude/appearance violation. A bottle of hair dye, a dermatologist and a nicotine patch would really turn things around for you.
And I'd like to apologize on your behalf to my sweet daughter, who may or may not have added a few cuss words to her ever-expanding vocabulary today.
Yes, it's a "p", not an "r", as you wrote on my ticket. Maybe throw in an eye exam into your makeover day!